It's 3:28 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing for the first time in weeks, maybe months. With all the traveling, hot weather, rain and just plain exhaustion, I have not been visiting my dear "friend" porch swing like I've wanted to. It feels oddly weird to sit here and feel calm, peaceful, disconnected to all the craziness of my life. To sit and pray. To be quiet. To close my eyes, inhale fresh air deeply and exhale stress and toxic thoughts. To feel the cool kisses of wind on my skin and face. To sip my sweet tea (I mean, this is exactly why it was created - for moments like this). My mind keeps going back to my to do list inside the house but God keeps bringing me back to the porch, the quiet.

"Just be in this moment baby girl. Enjoy my peace. Embrace my refreshment. So not be distracted from the hubbub and haste of life. Where you feel breathless and spent, sit in my stillness, in my healing."

How could I deny such love? The one thing I desire the most. A love that comforts, heals and sits with me in the chaos of my soul, the restlessness of my spirit, the anxiety of an unknown future. A love that sees me, knows the depths of me and still says You are the apple of my eye.

The wind keeps blowing. It's non stop. It feels refreshing, free...and then, right in my moment of silence, two teenagers starting yelling and screaming at each other. They won't stop. Reminds me of this battle we live in... Tension vs. Peace. Chaos vs. Peace. We can't escape the chaos but we can fight for moments of peace.

Thank you Daddy for today's moment.

Baby girl, thank you for pressing to take care of your spirit.

#PorchSwingLife #SelfCare #KissOnForeheadFromGod

It's 9:06 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing in this cool summer evening in the hood. As exhausted as my body feels, I was drawn to come and sit with God before I called it a night. I just had to pause as God sent me a hug in the sounds of the rustling leaves in the trees kissing my face with a cool breeze. It sounded like love saying "Stop writing... listen... feel... breathe in... it was as if the leaves were clapping, rejoicing, welcoming the breeze that visited my space and made me stop everything. I think about all I have to do this week and my mind is like a hamster on a wheel (I wonder how they keep running and not get worn out). Not sure how I'm going to do it all... so I take this time, this moment to be silent and still on my porch swing. God reminds me that this moment is the only moment guaranteed. Tomorrow will take care of itself, so will Tuesday, Wednesday and so forth. But in THIS moment, feel it all. Hear it all. Don't think beyond this moment. We live in a world where we're always waiting for something - an email, a status like, a bill, a phone call, a paycheck, an answer.... but do we ever just sit in the moment and say, this is all I need and want...and everything else will be OK?

"Daddy, can we just have 30 more minutes of 'just this' moments tonight?"

"There you go again baby girl. .." as another cool breeze hits my face

"Dangit! It's a discipline I gotta learn. Sorry..." As I close my eyes and feel the love and grace of THIS moment.

‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

It's 7:57 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing (for the 4th time time today) as the demon of heatwaves gives us a break from the torture and God blesses us with perfect weather - 72 degrees with a breeze. Tonight there is a sound of joy on my block. The house across the street is blasting old school jams - MY old school from Diana Ross to Biggie to LeVert and the Jacksons (Dancing Machine). I am jamming! I see a group of black teenagers laughing and throwing a football, not gang signs. My 80 year old neighbor greets me and we laugh and reminisce about the old days. A tall black teen boy walks by my house. As I do with everyone, I say hello. He smiles huge and we converse. As he keeps walking, he stops turns around and says "That made me feel good," as he clutched his heart and smiled. You made my day, he said. "So glad I could!" I said. How I am feeling right now is a one-eighty from the heaviness and depression I have been battling these past two days, even this morning when I woke up. When I struggle, I tend to isolate myself. I don't want to be bothered. I don't want to be around people...when the truth is, it's always being around people that brings me out - whether it's a hug, a smile or a simple, light-hearted conversation. As I sit here jamming to "I Just Wanna Be Close To You" old school jam, God reminds me that He does too. He reminds me we can't get through darkness alone. He came to give us life - He already endured death for us. It is in his death that we have life, it is in community that we find healing. Community that pulls us out - and in...whether they know your struggle or not. As much as I have said I don't like my new block, I am now beginning to fall in love with my street. Tonight I don't need church bells. Tonight I had a joyful community .‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

It's 9:23 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing as the crackling sound of wood when I sit says to me "where have you been?" I took a very deep breathe and exhaled a loud "Yeeessss." But the very minute I exhaled, I was overwhelmed by all the sounds. All at one time: tons of police sirens, ambulance sirens, helicopters flying above me, people yelling loudly, police horns, loud backyard party, kids screaming, a car alarm going off, the Green Line zipping by on the tracks, car driving by playing trap music so loud it felt like my porch swing was dancing from the vibrations. "Whoa Lord!" I said out loud. I've never been that overwhelmed with so much loudness on my porch swing before. ...but then I thought, "This has been my life for the past two weeks - nonstop movement, constant emotional rollercoaster, and an overwhelming weariness...all at the same time ." In light of the past weeks, it seems the racial tension, police brutality, murders of law enforcement and everything that came with it was extra heavy for our country this time. It felt different...it took my emotions and spirit through a different process I wasn't prepared for it...and I had to take notice. I've been invited to many conversations this last week to discuss it and have had to turn them all down because I'm not ready...not that I don't have something to say, not that I don't want to engage... I. Just. Can't...and I feel guilty about that. I feel weak, sad that I'm not strong enough right now to engage. But as I sit here, God reminds me that even Jesus needed to take a break, go away alone to pray and be restored...and that is what actually made him strong...AND stronger. God reminded me it takes real soldiers to recognize their limitations and step away if needed - so they can keep doing the work. "But also Baby Girl, it shows you trust Me to be Your healer and to know, with or without you, I got this."

"I know Daddy...you don't need me. "

"But I do choose to use you. In your weakness, I'm made strong. "

"Then You are REALLY strong right now!."

"And isn't that what you need?"

"Yes, Daddy it is."

‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

It's 9:57 pm here in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing and I didn't come out here tonight for any kind of peace and quiet. It's July 3rd. The time in Chicago when the City is at its loudest. I hear EVERYTHING from backyard parties to police sirens, from rare sounds of children laughing to the normal sounds of the Green line passing by, from heart attack sounding fireworks on my street to the church bells from afar, the aroma of burgers on a charcoal grill to the burning smell of fireworks (or gun powder). Tonight, many are celebrating while others are mourning. Many are sharing these moments with friends and family while others are alone and hurting. No, I didn't come out here tonight for peace and quiet. I came out here to hear the heartbeat of my city...to hear it breathe...to hear LIFE in a city that deals with so much death. I sit here and take all the noise in. I notice they knocked out all the street lamps again on my whole block. It's pitch black, like a hurricane came through...but as I look around there are lightening bugs everywhere. I smile as God reminds me again of my call to be a Light in a kid's Darkness. The juxtaposition of life is always joy and pain, together and alone, light and dark. May we never just seek to stand by and just listen and watch but embrace the experience of life in every way it comes to us...and at us. May our senses never become numb but always aware and ready to move. Where do you see life in spite of death in your life?

"I hear life all around me Daddy. I like all the noise tonight."

"That's because there is peace in your heart Baby Girl...even in spite of the pain."  ‪#‎RIPKikito‬

‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

It's 6:19 pm in Chicago. I am sitting on my porch swing, not because I have time. Not because I want to... but because I locked my keys in the house. I was in such a rush that I simply walked right past them. Rush. Rush. Rush. Been that kinda day...that kinda week....that kinda month. I called my mentee who had a set of keys (and just so happens to live upstairs). She was as Target but willing to come back to the house...she'll get here in probably 30 minutes.

My first thought: "Amy, you're such an idiot!"

Second thought, "You have so much to do!"

Third thought, "Now you have to wait stupid."

God's thought: You NEED to wait...to breathe...to slow down...even if I have to force you. I made today's weather perfect, it's your kind of weather- cool, breezy. It's quiet, peaceful... AND you have a porch swing. SIT DOWN Baby Girl. BREATHE Baby Girl. ENJOY this moment of nothing to do but sit."

My fourth thought (as I'm tearing now): "Thanks Daddy. I needed this desperately."

"I know Baby Girl...ya tu sabe nena."

‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

It's 8:51 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing an emotional wreck trying to hold together everything I am feeling from my trip today to Statesville prison. Sitting in a non air-conditioned room with 12 inmates, most serving life sentences, sharing our lives together. The stories. The brilliance. The regret. The vulnerability. The knowledge. The voices of pain, the acceptance of their way of life. The resilience. Sitting with a young man who is serving 150 years to life and hearing his struggle of accepting the fact that he did the work of a college student...and to celebrate him together. To have the gentleman ask me how THEY can help me in my ministry to reach kids on the street. To see their heart and love for God in such a deep, real connection - more real than most Christians I know. The way they welcomed me into their community, even though I was a stranger...and they really listened to me, celebrated how God uses me. I was humbled to be in their presence. It felt more like church than most churches I've attended. That is what I long for. As I sit here with the church bells playing, God reminds me this Christian walk is much bigger than a building, a worship service and a well rehearsed sermon. It's community with others who don't need a stage or a title. It's a community seeking love, truth, forgiveness and a place to celebrate each others humanity and stories. I've always known this. It's my mission in life but today, I saw God. Today I was inspired. Today I saw God's creations not inmates. Today changed my heart...again.‪ #‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

It's 6:03 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing letting my freshly painted toes (pep plum colored) and wet curly hair air dry in this beautiful breeze. The hood feels strangely different...but a great strange. I think Sundays are my favorite days. It's reminiscent of my childhood... quiet, serene, peaceful. Everyone getting ready for work or school. Just a beautiful day in my neighborhood. Even despite the massacre in Orlando, the weekly massacres in Chicago that don't get the same attention, my soul feels contently blessed. Not many understand how you can grieve and mourn and still considered yourself blessed. God reminds me, with a sweet gentle breeze, life will always come with deep moments of sorrow and pain. The blessing is you're not alone. The blessing is you're here to experience all that life offers. In the breeze and the storm, I AM. On a day when I am in my head too much, your breezes are kisses to my forehead saying "Baby girl, be still and enjoy my love." "OK Daddy" I say in a baby voice as I close my eyes and shut down my brain. "OK Daddy."
 ‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

JUNE 8, 2016

It's 9:05 pm in Chicago. I am sitting on my porch swing wrapped in my favorite red blanket my mom gave me years ago. It's cold outside and I forgot to wear socks but I don't want to leave my swing just yet. I'll deal with the cold. Warm them up later. I rushed to hear the church bells and just barely caught them. So many noises, I could barely hear it. When the bells stopped, so did the noise. But then another song started playing...the ice cream truck song - over and over, never ending. It was far away but now it's one street over making its way to me. In this moment, God reminds me, though it's not the song I wanted to hear, He still provides music to fill the air with joy...but also as a proclamation. Ice cream truck music plays, not to entertain us, but to let us know they're close by and their coming in our direction. We run inside to get our money, our taste buds go crazy and then we wait for it to get to us to satisfy our longing. I have a longing or two Lord. My taste buds are craving and I got my pocket change. I sit here waiting for my "ice cream"...waiting for you to satisfy my soul.  
#‎PorchSwingLife‬‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬

It's 8:47 pm in Chicago. I'm sitting on my porch swing in the cool off the night. It's loud tonight. Police sirens nonstop. Tons of helicopters. My place of peace cannot seem to provide that for me tonight. I am in desperate need of peace. Of quiet. Of rest. I just left a vigil of the one year death date of a young man who died too soon to gang violence. The weight of my city, the violence is heavy. My soul has been wailing for weeks and it seems to take more strength to hold it together than to release the flood of emotions...the flood that has the potential to drown me. Sirens.Helicopters.Horns. Trains.Yelling. Waiting for the church bells. Waiting. I need to hear You OVER the noise. It is then that God reminds me, though the waiting can bring the most anxiety, it also brings the most power. Calming your soul is a practice...a discipline. Noise will always compete for your peace. You pressed to meet Me here...wait for it...waaaiiittt for it. Then I heard the bells and it was as if it was the only thing my soul heard. ‪#‎PorchSwingLife‬ ‪#‎SelfCare‬ ‪#‎KissOnForeheadFromGod‬